An Eggstra- Ordinary Disaster
by Jack M. Kaiser
Summary: An innocent Easter activity turns into a disaster, but every cloud has a silver lining. Who knew eggs could be so dangerous? Special thank you to my wonderful beta Evil Angel. I'd also like to thank my best friend and other half of my evil brain not a zatarc for always being there for me and giving me a kick in the pants to keep writing. Love ya!


**An Eggs-tra Ordinary Disaster**

**DISCLAIMER- **I don't own Stargate or any of the characters, I just whump them.

The warm spring breeze fluttered across the lawn of the Colorado Springs Recreation Center, filling the air with the scent of the year's first flower blossoms. Sam, Daniel, and Teal'c hurried along with the many other volunteers to hide the brightly colored Easter eggs before the neighborhood kids arrived. The annual event was courtesy of the US Air Force and the City of Colorado Springs. Every year the members of SG-1, especially Jack, proudly took part in the affair.

"Have you seen Jack?" Sam asked as she straightened up after hiding a bright pink egg in a tuft of tall grass.

Daniel stopped and looked around, "He was just here."

"I have not seen him since our arrival Major Carter," Teal'c responded. The large Jaffa stood out like a sore thumb as he stood there with a big basket of colorful eggs and a white furry hat with bunny ears sticking up in the air.

"Oh well, he might be hiding eggs on the other side of the building," Sam replied then bent over to hide another egg. She stood up and looked at Teal'c with a smile, "Ya know Teal'c, you look cute in that bunny hat that Cassie bought you."

Teal'c gave her a bow of his head and the trio went back to their task. Just as the last egg was hidden the sounds of children squealing with excitement filled the air as they rushed toward the roped off area where the eggs were and waited impatiently for the signal to go. Sam tucked the basket into the crook of her elbow and followed Daniel and Teal'c to the 'safe' area. All the while she looked around the grounds for Jack, growing more concerned as the minutes ticked by.

A loud cheer went up from the kids when the tall Easter bunny popped out from behind some nearby bushes, lifting the air horn that it had been holding into the air and pressing the button to blast a loud screech. With the signal given, the kids ran screaming onto the lawn, stopping here and there to grab an egg from the ground and putting into their basket. With her attention on the kids, Sam didn't see the Easter bunny sneak up behind her and give her a poke in the ribs. She jumped and let out a shriek of surprise.

"What's the matter, Carter? Did ya think the eggs were attacking?"

"Jack O'Neill!" Sam exclaimed then smacked the arm of the bunny suit.

"Hey now! Don't let the kids see ya assaulting the Easter bunny or they'll attack," Jack teased.

"Jack, what are you doing in that suit?" Daniel quizzed coming over to them.

"Doug called in sick and they had to have an Easter bunny. But, I gotta tell you, this thing is a sweat box," Jack said as he fussed with the head of the costume.

Teal'c bowed his head, "It is good of you to endure such discomfort for the children, O'Neill. They seem most pleased."

"Well, kids. I gotta get down the hill to where the 'wee' ones are. Have fun and no fighting the kids for the treats," Jack cautioned then hurried across the lawn.

"Man! Jack just jumps at the chance to act like a kid doesn't he?" Daniel asked grinning as he watched Jack begin his descent down the small hill to where the little kids' eggs were hidden.

Sam laughed, "Come on, Daniel. We all know that Jack is a kid trapped in a grown man's body and I don't think that he has any plans to grow up any time soon. Besides, you know how Jack loves kids."

"Yeeeaa...," Daniel began, but was interrupted when a round of frightful shrieks from the bottom of the hill interrupted him. "Jack!" Daniel shouted recognizing the cries.

The three went running and stopped at the top of the small hill. Sam gasped when she looked down and saw the bunny suit in a crumple heap at the bottom. They carefully made their way to where Jack lay groaning in pain, his right arm tucked protectively against his chest and his left arm draped over the head of the bunny suit.

"Jack! Jack? Are you alright?" Sam cried as she reached his side.

"Arrggghhh! I'm fine. Just help me up and stay calm. I don't want the kids upset," Jack ground out in obvious pain.

"Jack, are you sure you're alright? I mean you just fell down a hill," Daniel asked as he and Teal'c helped Jack to his feet.

Jack bit back a yelp of pain when Daniel hit into his right arm, "Yes, Daniel. I'm fine. Just a tumble." Jack rejoined.

Sam eyed Jack closely. "Jack, it was more than a mere tumble. What happened?"

"I... uh... stepped on an egg and slipped. Next thing I knew I was in an outside dryer," Jack replied, trying to get his bearings and breathe through the pain that burning through his arm. "Come on. Let's get over to the tent. I gotta do the pictures with the kiddies."

SG1SG1SG1

Jack leaned against the cool wall for support. He could feel the bile rise into his throat as the pain surged through his arm and head. There were a few times he felt as though he was going to pass out as they took the pictures with the kids, but there was no way in hell he was going to let the kids down. His bottom lip was sore from biting it to keep himself from yelping in pain or throwing up when the kids jumped up onto his lap.

Now, the agony was slamming into him full force as a result of fighting himself out of the bulky costume. He tried to get the pain down to a bearable level and get outside. The rest of his team was waiting for him so that they could go grab lunch then do a bit of last minute shopping. They were to go to Janet's to dye eggs tonight and then again tomorrow to have Easter dinner with her and Cassie.

With a deep breath and a groan he pushed himself off of the wall and started to stumble toward the door. Just as he gripped the outside door handle, his vision began to grow dark around the edges and his world began to spin. He quickly yanked the door open and staggered outside onto the porch.

"Saaa...," was all that he got out before he collapsed on the glossy green boards. Jack barely heard his friends call out his name before he succumbed to the oblivion of unconsciousness.

SG1SG1SG1

The image of Jack collapsing on the porch at the rec center replayed in Sam's mind as she waited with Daniel and Teal'c in the emergency room waiting area at the Academy Hospital. She could still see the bruised bump on his head and the grotesquely swollen arm. It didn't surprise her that he endured such agony for the sake of the kids; it was simply Jack's way. Daniel had called Janet as they were loading Jack into the ambulance and she'd promised to meet them at the hospital.

She glanced up at the clock for the umpteenth time since they had arrived and realized that it had been a little over an hour. There still hadn't been any word on how he was doing or what was going on. It was a relief to know that Janet was back there looking after him, but she really wished that someone would come out and give them some sort of an update. Her wish was granted ten minutes later when Janet walked into the room.

"Janet! How is he? Is he okay?" Sam asked jumping to her feet and belting out the questions before Janet was even halfway to where they were sitting.

Janet held her hand up for Sam to give her a minute, "Colonel O'Neill suffered a broken right wrist and arm and a concussion. We're prepping him for surgery now to fix his wrist and then his arm."

"No wonder he passed out," Daniel exclaimed.

"How long will the surgery take?" Sam asked as she swiped a tear from her eye.

"I'd say at least four hours if not more. You should go and get something to eat," Janet replied then looked at her watch. "Listen, I have to get back in there. After you eat go up to the waiting room on the surgical floor."

Sam watched as Janet left the room. It was going to be a long wait.

SG1SG1SG1

Voices and the tolling of a heart monitor wormed their way through the dark curtain of unconsciousness that draped over Jack's mind. He felt that oddly numb and addle- brained feeling that usually followed anesthesia, so he concluded he must be in a hospital. The last thing he remembered was stepping out onto the porch at the rec center and seeing the worry in Sam's beautiful blue eyes before everything went black. He strained to listen to see if one of the voices he heard was Sam's and when he heard her sweet voice, he began the enormous effort to open his eyes. His eyelids felt as though they were made of lead, but he managed to get them open. The white room slowly came into focus and the three blurry shapes around his bed began to take the form of his three friends and teammates. He let his gaze wander down his body taking in the sight of his broken arm that was wrapped heavily in bandages from his wrist to his elbow and propped on pillows at his side, the white gown with blue speckles, and the light green linens pulled up to his chest.

"Jack. You're awake!" Daniel exclaimed as he jumped from his perch on one of the chairs at Jack's bedside.

Jack swallowed then licked his lips, trying to whet the dryness, "Figure that out all by yourself, Daniel?" his gravelly voice ground out.

Sam picked up the cup of ice chips sitting on Jack's bedside table and put a small spoonful in his mouth then smiled as she watched him suck them down. "It's good to see you awake, Sir."

"It is good to see you well, O'Neill," Teal'c added with a bow of his head.

"So," Jack began after swallowing down the last of the melted ice, "What damage did I do this time?" Jack croaked sleepily.

"You have a concussion and a severe break to your both bones in your forearm that required surgery to repair, Colonel," Janet explained as she stepped into the room and made her way to Jack's bed, "as well as a broken wrist."

Jack made a face. "Add a heart attack to that list," Jack snarked.

"Keep that up, Sir, and I'll go find the biggest needle in this hospital," Janet shot back as she pulled the dreaded penlight out of her pocket and flashed it into his eyes.

"Ack, Doc! What are ya doin'? Trying to blind me?" Jack pulled his left hand out of Sam's and rubbed at his eyes.

Janet smiled at him and continued to check him over, "How's the pain, Sir?"

"Well, it was manageable until you put the nail back into my head and my arm is a bit thumpy."

"I'll give you something to help with that. Now, I want you to get some rest. That means everyone out," Janet replied then made a shooing motion toward Sam, Daniel, and Teal'c.

"See ya later, Jack," Daniel said waving.

"Goodbye, O'Neill," Teal'c added.

"Rest well, Sir. See you later," Sam said then patted him on the arm.

"Sam, wait. I wanna talk to you in _private_," Jack said and gave a stern look to Janet as if daring her to object.

Daniel nodded and walked out of the room with Teal'c following behind.

"I'll go and get that pain medicine for you," Janet said then winked at Sam before she too left.

Jack waited for her to leave then looked over at Sam, "I... uh... I was going to do this tomorrow, but since... Well you know, I wanna do it now. Have a seat will ya?"

"Okay," Sam responded then re-took her seat.

Jack started picking at a loose thread on his gown, "I've been trying to think of how to say this to you. I don't know if you feel the same or if I'm about to make a royal jackass out of myself. I hope that this is the right time."

"Jack, would you just spit it out already!"

"I... Huh?" Jack looked at Sam with exasperation at her response.

"Spit it out," Sam told him with a smile.

Jack returned the smile, "I wanted to tell you that I love you, Sam, and that I want to retire so that I can spend the rest of my life with you. If you'll have me that is."

Sam smiled then stood up and leaned over the bed to plant a passionate kiss on Jack's lips. She pulled back and looked into his eyes, "Does that answer your question?"

Jack lay there gaping for a few seconds before he finally found his voice, "Uh... Yeah. Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure, Jack," Sam told him then smiled.

Jack reached up with his good arm and pulled Sam down for a kiss. Just as their lips touched, Janet came strolling into the room carrying a filled syringe in here hand, "Here's your pain meds, Colonel."

"Ah, Doc, couldn't ya have waited a bit?" Jack objected as Sam pulled away from him. Janet emptied the syringe's contents into his IV.

"No, I told you to rest and that's exactly what you are going to do. You just received a head injury and had surgery on your arm and wrist. Rest," Janet told him sternly.

Sam stood from her chair, "I'm going to head home. I'll see you tomorrow, Jack."

Jack fought against the medication, "S... Sam wait. Would ya do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"When you come tomorrow bring Cassie with you. B... bring some plastic eggs so we can have a little egg hunt for her in here," Jack said then let out a big yawn. "Would ya also stop at my house? In my bedroom in the nightstand drawer there's an egg shaped velvet box. Grab that for me and bring it in. And get the stuff I got her, too. Please." He asked as he fought the sleepiness.

"Sure, Jack. Now do like Janet said and get some rest," Sam told him softly then leaned over and kissed his forehead.

"Bye, Sam," Jack said as his eyes drifted closed.

Janet put her hand on Sam's arm, "You should go and get some rest too, Sam. It's been a long day for all of us."

"Yeah it has, especially for him. Are you sure that he's going to be okay?"

"He's going to be fine, Sam. Really. We'll keep him here for at least a week and in a few weeks' time he'll start therapy for his arm. I don't foresee any long term problems from the concussion."

Sam looked sadly down at Jack then back up at Janet, "So, is it okay for me to do what he asked with Cassie tomorrow?"

"Of course it is," Janet said with a smile.

"I'll talk to you later. Call me when you get off," Sam said.

"Have a good night, Sam," Janet returned then got a devilish grin on her face. "Oh and uh sorry I interrupted."

Sam's cheeks turned crimson with embarrassment and a nervous smile appeared on her lips. After one last look at Jack, she left the room without a response to Janet's apology.

SG1SG1SG1

Jack lay on his bed and looked around his room at the eggs while he waited for the nurse to come and help him into a wheelchair before Cassie's arrival. Sam had come in earlier that morning and hid the eggs before she went to pick Cassie up at Janet's. He'd just gotten a dose of pain medication, so his headache was down to nothing more than a dull ache. He was excited for his team and Cassie to visit and give him a happy distraction. A knock at the door tore him from his thoughts and he looked up to see a nurse enter pushing a wheelchair with a dark green terry-cloth robe folded up on the seat.

By the time the robe was on and he was settled in the wheelchair, Jack's head was throbbing and a thin layer of sweat covered his face. After dismissing the nurse with a nod and a smile, his mind drifted back to the phone conversation that he'd had with General Hammond just after Sam had left. Everything was all set; all that was left to do was wait for the right moment.

SG1SG1SG1

Cassie skipped down the hall holding Sam's hand, proudly carrying the basket of treats that she'd brought for her beloved Uncle Jack. She turned and smiled up at Teal'c who was following close behind carrying two hot pepperoni, sausage and mushroom pizzas that left a heavenly scent trail in their wake. A few nurses and patients stuck their heads out of the doors as he passed by. He was wearing the same gaudy Easter bunny hat that she'd talked him into wearing to the Community Egg Hunt the day before. A frown creased her face as she looked back to see Daniel dawdling behind.

"Daniel, hurry up! You're gonna make us late to see Uncle Jack and ruin his surprise," Cassie told him sternly.

"Sorry, this stuff is heavy ya know," Daniel replied as he struggled with the paper grocery bags filled with bottles of pop and other goodies for their makeshift Easter party.

Cassie let go of Sam's hand and put her finger to mouth, making a shushing sound as they approached Jack's door. She peeked around the corner of the doorway to see Jack sitting in a wheelchair by his bed, putting her hand over her mouth to stifle a squeal when her gaze drifted across the room and she saw all the eggs scattered around.

SG1SG1SG1

Laughter echoed through Jack's room as the group sat around and ate pizza. Jack looked up from his wheelchair at Sam who was sitting on the edge of his bed. _It was hard to believe that someone could look so sexy eating pizza,_ he thought. He'd only had two slices himself because his mind was on building up the nerve to spring his plan as soon as she finished eating. His heart rate sped up as soon as she took the last bite and it made him glad that Janet had removed the heart monitor that morning. As discreetly as he possibly could, he reached into the pocket of his robe for the velvet egg box. This was most certainly going to be a bit awkward to do with only one hand and his left hand to boot. It was one of those times where he envied ambidextrous people.

"Uh... Sam, I need to talk to you about somethin'," Jack said as he clutched the small box with a sweaty and tremulous hand.

She looked down at him with a smile that reached those beautiful blue eyes of hers, "Yeah?"

"Um... I... uh... Oh God! Ya know I love ya right?" he quickly garbled out.

"Yeah," Sam answered as she saw a very expectant Daniel, Cassie, and Teal'c gather around the bed.

Jack took a deep breath and looked to his friends for support. When he received three nods of encouragement, he took another deep breath and reached out for her hand. "Sam, I know I'm not the best looking man on the planet and I'm not exactly young anymore. I'm just an old battle-worn Air Force Colonel that's crazy in love with a very sexy woman. I... uh... guess what I'm getting at is... Sam, would you marry me?"

Sam's mouth flew open and for a dreadful moment Jack thought that he'd screwed up. His chest tightened when he saw tears form in her eyes then spill down her cheek and he waited for her to run out of the room. All doubt flew from his mind when Sam jumped off of the bed and planted a hot kiss on his lips. She pulled back and cupped his face in her soft hands, "Yes, Jack."

Jack felt like he was on cloud nine as he fumbled with the box to get the ring out so he could slip it onto her finger. Finally after muttering a few expletives, he got the box open and removed it from the padding that it was secured in. Cassie screeched with joy as Jack slid the ring onto Sam's finger and the newly engaged couple kissed once more.

Daniel grinned and he began clapping. After a bit, he nervously cleared his throat, "Uh, I think we're gonna get going now and give you two lovebirds some privacy."

"You don't have to run off, Daniel," Jack said without letting go of Sam's hand.

"We have other matters to attend to, O'Neill," Teal'c told him then pulled another piece of the plastic Easter grass that Cassie had thrown on him off of his hat.

"Yeah, Uncle Jack, we got things to do," Cassie said in a mischievous voice then leaned over to give Jack a hug. "Sorry that you're in the hospital on Easter. I'm glad that you and Sam are getting married. When are ya's gonna give us some nieces or nephews?"

"Okay, time to go," Daniel spat out nervously as he took a hold of Cassie's shoulders and steered her toward the door. "See you guys later."

"I too am pleased with your upcoming union," Teal'c said then picked up Cassie's Easter basket and box of gifts and followed Cassie and Daniel out of the room.

Jack and Sam giggled as they watched their friends leave.

"So, how are we going to handle this at the SGC?" Sam asked as she caressed Jack's cheek.

"I talked to Hammond the other day. I'm going to step down as the leader of SG-1 and go to the Academy to train the recruits. I'll still be at the SGC from time to time for training purposes and to hold seminars."

"Did Hammond say who's going to lead SG-1?"

"Yeah," he began then hesitated for a bit before continuing, "It's going to be Lieutenant Colonel Carter," Jack replied as straight faced as he possibly could.

Sam looked at him shocked. "Oh my God, Jack! I can't believe it!" Sam beamed.

Jack felt as though he was in seventh heaven as he watched Sam admiring her ring. For a while he'd entertained the thought of her having sneaked a peek at it when she picked it up, but the look on her face when she saw it told him otherwise; unless she was one hell of an actress. Yeah, sure, he may have sent her to pick it up on purpose; cruelly tempting her. He could have just as easily asked Daniel or Janet to have done it for him, but no, it was a job meant for Sam alone. The smile on his face widened when a thought popped into his aching mind. "Uh, Sam, what do ya think about my house?"

Sam stopped staring at the engagement ring to stare at Jack in utter confusion, "I love it, why?"

"Because I was wonderin' if you'd move in with me?" Jack mumbled as he picked at a thread on the blanket covering his legs.

"I wouldn't want anything else, Jack," Sam replied then leaned over for a kiss.

SG1SG1SG1

Sam stared at herself in the full-length mirror at the bridal shop, the light hitting off of the sequins on the dress like stars in the sky. She still couldn't believe that she and Jack were finally getting married after what felt like an eternity of waiting. She'd got Daniel, Teal'c, and a few others from the SGC to help her move her belongings from her house to Jack's and she was fully moved in long before he come home from the hospital two weeks after his tumble down the hill.

Jack had gotten the bulky cast off of his arm two weeks earlier and they set the date for the wedding as the fourth of July. It was a symbolic thing of sorts: Independence Day for America and the start of their new life.

With a deep breath and a smile, she adjusted the strapless gown and stepped out of the dressing room. Cassie and Janet looked up and their jaws dropped.

"Sam, you look fantastic!" Cassie squealed.

"She's right, Sam, you look absolutely stunning," Janet agreed as soon as she caught her breath.

Cassie jumped up from her chair and grabbed a tiara with a veil attached to it, "Here try this on."

Sam took the accessory and put it on her head then stepped over to the mirror. Tears formed in her eyes as she took in her appearance. Janet stood and went over to where her friend stood, wrapping her arms around her shoulders.

"What's wrong, honey?"

"I'm just so happy, Janet. I never thought that this would ever happen," Sam said then swiped the tears from her eyes. "So, should I get this one?"

"Yes! Uncle Jack is soo gonna love it," Cassie chimed in cheerfully.

"I agree. It's perfect for you," Janet agreed.

"Okay. I'm going to change so why don't you too go pick out some garters for me to choose from."

Janet and Cassie nodded then walked over to the glass display where the garters were. Sam slowly walked back into the dressing room and began to slip out of the dress. She hoped that Jack would love this dress as much she did, but she had a feeling that he wouldn't care what she wore. All they both wanted was to be together.

SG1SG1SG1

Jack stood at the altar of the church, nervously waiting for his bride to come down the aisle. He was starting to get agitated, grabbing at his trouser legs and pulling at the fabric tightly. Daniel reached over and grabbed his hands to stop him and try to calm Jack down.

Jack looked at Daniel's hand holding his own then cast an odd glance at his best friend and said, "Daniel?"

"Jack?"

"You're holding my hand, Daniel."

"Yeah," Daniel responded.

Jack gave Daniel a penetrating look, "If you keep doing that, the guests will think that _we're_ getting married."

"Wha...?" Daniel looked shocked and then suddenly snatched his hand away from Jack and looked around to see if anyone had noticed. With a sly grin, he leaned over to whisper in Jack's ear, "Oh, well. I just didn't want you reinjuring your bad arm and have it hurting for your wedding night."

Jack cocked his arm and gave Daniel a subtle poke in the ribs with his elbow. He opened his mouth to say something but froze when his eyes caught sight of the blue-eyed angel standing at the end of the aisle.

Goosebumps formed on his flesh and time seemed to slow to crawl when she started down the aisle toward him. The sun reflected off of her smooth skin making it seem as though she were glowing. The white roses she carried barely trembled with each step she took. Electricity coursed through his body when she took his hand, his heart fluttering when her sparkling blue eyes locked into his.

Their eyes remained locked into each other's as they spoke their vows and lovingly slipped their rings on their fingers.

SG1SG1SG1

The colorful fireworks lit up the night sky and the resounding bang echoed through the air. Jack and Sam sat cuddled together on a blanket in the middle of his, now their, backyard watching the spectacular display. All the guests had gone, leaving the newlyweds alone.

Jack slowly slid his arm down the back of Sam's gown as he nibbled seductively at her neck.

"What do ya say we go inside and make some fireworks of our own?" he coyly asked.

Sam moaned and leaned into his touch, "I was wondering when you were going to ask."

Jack's body responded in more ways than one when she flashed him a seductive smile and batted her long eyelashes. He quickly made his way to his feet and reached out a hand to help his new wife up off of the ground. Their lips came together in a passionate kiss like two sets of the most powerful magnets. When the need for oxygen became too great, they pulled apart and made their way to the deck. At the door Jack stooped to pick up his bride to carry her over the threshold.

"Jack, your arm!"

Jack gave her a kiss then looked at her with a crooked grin, "Honey, for one thing, I have your beautiful body in both of my arms and for another, I'm a sucker for tradition."

Sam smiled and kissed him again. Jack carried her into the house and directly to the bedroom.

The End

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. Please leave feedback as it helps me to write more!

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